Framing How We See Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is a sickness of excessive questioning, and often we think the remedy is an answer of reassurance, a certainty of feeling. To the nagging itch of “Am I capable?” we soothe our reflection in the mirror with a mantra of  “I believe in myself.” When my aspiring filmmaker friend wondered whether this was truly the career path to pursue, I immediately thought affirmations were what was needed. But now, I pause and rethink. 

Because among the things that my love for film has taught me, it’s to pay attention to the big picture and frame how I see, including self-doubt.

Over the past year, I have been surrounded by my friend group of cinephiles. They banded together for our university film festival and even after, continued on separate ventures in film.  I saw from the sidelines how one made their directorial debut, another attended grad film school, and some applied to national film festivals. Outside our group, I watched other friends discover a newfound love for filmmaking. 

But I witnessed how when the cameras stopped rolling, self-doubt inevitably snuck up on them. 

Those simply starting their filmmaking journey often questioned their capabilities and skills. While I recognized the bright sincerity in their efforts, their eyes zeroed in on their unfamiliar grip on the camera or the large crossed-out marks on the screenplay. “What am I doing?” was on the periphery of each decision. 

I knew some with more experience, with greater confidence in their vision and ability to transform it into a good film. Still, they knew a film was meant to be watched, to reach beyond the crew. Doubts about audience reception lingered: “What if people don't like my film?" or “Will my film emotionally resonate with them?” 

Others felt self-doubt when faced with the craft’s physical and financial demands. Even after being creative and resourceful against those constraints, there remained hesitation. “Is the amount of time and effort I’m spending on this project worth it? What if, after all I’ve invested, nobody watches?”

These many forms of self-doubt emerge from the reality of filmmaking: the clumsiness when starting, the heaviness of being perceived, and the fear of making mistakes. But this creeping feeling ultimately comes down to the same idea—the uncertainty of your value as a filmmaker. 

The doubts are endless. “Am I doing the right thing? Am I in the right place? Am I the right person for this?” Although our instinct is to answer these to gain confidence, it isn’t enough.

Because if self-doubt confronts us with questions, then perhaps we need to challenge it by questioning in return. 

Self-doubt leads us to a state of paralysis or instability. Overcoming it doesn’t demand certainty, but grounding ourselves—not in the what of things or who and where we are, not in whether we are doing it right or making something good. 

What can anchor us is why we care enough to worry, why we create as artists, why we desire for our work to be seen by an audience, why we choose and love film.

The answer differs like our self-doubt. Some answer with the passion for telling stories, rooted in a sense of wonder at the world around them. Some are drawn to film for self-expression, with a yearning to be heard. Others see it as a new interest that resonates and is worth cultivating. Others have chosen it to be a lifelong journey, whether as a profession or a vocation. 

Our why isn’t certain because it evolves as filmmakers discover more about themselves, their visions and dreams, and their methods and styles. But the why is enough to challenge self-doubt because it grounds us in what is true and present, rather than in the possibility of lacking. 

I remember a quote from Patti Smith’s book Just Kids: “I had no proof that I had the stuff to be an artist, though I hungered to be one.” 

To face the reflection of self-doubt, we can frame it differently. Focus on your love for film. Compose it with the richness of the medium. Capture the artistry you are called to, even if you’re not certain how to live up to it.

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Kino COL-lab

Coleen Pantoja is a Guest Writer for The Film Dream and a devotee of all things artistic and whimsical. She loves to introspect and discover worlds through books, film, and visual art, channeling them into writing and storytelling.

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